Stephanie McAulay, a Solicitor in our Family Law Team, is a strong advocate for empowering clients to take control of their circumstances, even in the most emotionally challenging situations. Her recent reading of The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins—a self-development book described as a powerful tool for personal growth—resonated deeply with her work. In this blog, Stephanie explores how the book’s central message of focusing on what you can control and letting go of what you cannot can be especially helpful for those navigating public law children matters.

She provides the following 2 examples:

Letter Before Proceedings/Public Law Outline Meeting/Care Proceedings

Scenario 1

The local authority’s children’s services are overwhelmed and sadly under-resourced. The few social workers available are overworked and overstretched, unable to work as effectively as one would hope or expect. As a result, they are unable to complete the announced visit to your home because for example, they have had to deal with an emergency at that date and time. Worse still, a 4th or 5th allocated Social Worker may appear at your door without warning or introduction.

Let Them

You could react negatively by venting all your frustration, being verbally abusive i.e. by not letting them into your home. However, all that would be noted is that you were obstructive and are not engaging with the social worker, irrespective of your rationale or justification. They may say you are aggressive and unreasonable.

  • Let Them – be late.
  • Let Them – rearrange, again.
  • Let Them – reallocate.

Let Me

A better, more constructive option would be to welcome the social worker, allow them into your home and to engage with them meaningfully. Here, it would be noted that you worked well with the social worker and can demonstrate insight, are committed and motivated to work with social services.

  • Let Me – understand and make myself available whenever it is convenient for them so that my assessment can commence and conclude as soon as possible, to prevent any further delay for myself and my children.
  • Let Me – co-operate regardless of what they are doing.
  • Let Me – prioritise the needs of my children.

Scenario 2

The children have witnessed domestic abuse between their parents. Mother has denied all allegations until recently now that she has separated from father, permanently after a very long on and off relationship.

Let Them

You could be scared and fear repercussions from professionals (and father). You may worry that no one will believe you. You may think the children will be removed from your care or not be returned to your care.

  • Let Them – criticise you for not being open and honest initially.
  • Let Them – criticise you for not adequately protecting your children from any potential risk of harm until now.
  • Let Them – put restrictions in place to protect you and your children.

Let Me

It is always more beneficial for you and the children to tell the truth; it is common in relationships that feature domestic abuse for the victim not to appreciate or accept that they are in such a relationship. Further, once they do realise this is the case, it takes time to build the courage to take appropriate action.

  • Let Me – be open, honest and adhere to any Safety Plan/Schedule of Expectations.
  • Let Me – participate in a healthy relationships programme.
  • Let Me – sustain the implemented changes i.e. never rekindle a relationship with father or any other abusive partner again in the future.

Ultimately, as the book suggests, the most meaningful progress comes from concentrating on what you can do, rather than becoming overwhelmed by factors beyond your control. Stephanie brings this ethos into her work with clients, supporting them to take constructive steps in difficult circumstances. She is currently accepting instructions in relation to all child law matters and has recently joined the public law team here at WBW Solicitors. Based in our Exeter office, she is committed to providing clear, compassionate advice and continuity of support throughout the process.

You can contact Stephanie on 01392 260145 or email stephaniemcaulay@wbw.co.uk.

WBW Solicitors has offices in Axminster, Bovey Tracey, Brixham, Chard, Exeter, Exmouth, Honiton, Launceston, Newton Abbot, Paignton, Seaton, Sidmouth, and Torquay.

This article is for general information only and does not constitute legal or professional advice. Please note that the law may have changed since this article was published.